34 When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them,“Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
Mark 8:34 (NKJV)
I read God’s verse and it resonates inside of my head. “This is what I want!” I desire full commitment to Jesus. I desire to create a larger gap between sin and myself. I need to be sustained because I know I cannot sustain in my flesh.
And what of being sustained? It is easy to say and read. But what is being sustained? It is truly supporting and bearing weight. It is the column that holds the roof or the bedrock that supports the pier of a bridge. Sustaining is supporting a weight that will crush me. I seek to be sustained.
Therefore, if I cannot sustain I must look outside of my own capabilities. I look not to a device that shall prop me up for all wood and steel will all burn eventually (a). I need to look at a bigger picture. It is what Jesus asks. Look to Him because with Jesus all is possible (b)
So I look beyond the horizon. Life is long but it quickly diminishes in length. There are two lines. One ends at our death and the other continues eternally. If I fix my gaze on the first line, it is as if I am walking with my head straight down. I will collide with a tree. Maybe this tree will be the tree on which Jesus was nailed. It will be, I am certain because there are only two lines. I must walk upon one of them. If I desire to step off one, I must step onto the other. I know this intersection because I have made this transition. It is important to tell for others to read.
There is not in-between in life. The world will constantly send a barrage of reasons and samples of why it thinks there is. It is folly to believe the world. On one or on two. Finite and infinite.
The desire is with me, the knowledge of how pervades all of my soul. Take up my cross: why? Did not Jesus already do this in my stead? He was the propitiation of sin. I am reconciled with God, forgiven in His eyes. The explanation is in God’s word. I must take up my own cross and deny myself. Jesus came and was an example. An example that permeates all of my thoughts and actions. He denied Himself and I must deny myself. If I deny Him, I shall remain on a lonely path to a finite end. There is no half-way in being nailed to a cross. I take this into account. It is all of me God wants. Jesus showed me and I am attentive to His way.
I feel at times I am at a half-way point. Almost there. What holds me back and what drives me forward? I have peace and I have angst and wonder if this is just life or am I really on a committed path toward God’s Light and with God’s Light. I forgive myself for my questions and doubts. Sometimes I am like a firefly in a jar. Flying around and bouncing of glass walls. The light inside me is still on, but the light in me needs to permeate the dismal darkness just beyond the finite limits of the jar. This jar is the vessel in which I reside: my body. I hear God and see Him for myself. Inward. I must think outward and emanate a light that shows I have really taken a cross of commitment and have truly set my burdens on the shoulders of Jesus Christ. He sustains.
I always second guess myself. What do I want? The answer is easy: take up my cross and remember there is no half-way in what Jesus did for me. Only full commitment. There is comfort in full realization of my task ahead. No ebb no flow. Only full-speed in an eternal direction. I have hit that tree and it has my attention. Now it is time to look up and walk ‘Line 2’. I see beyond the horizon and it will be evident to others. It is what I pray for.
August 25, 2012