But as for me, I trust in you.
If I look back even twelve years, I see a soul in death. One that looks inward to find the meaning of all things. It is the misconception of spiritual reality to think we can reason a god without knowing God. Death is the eventual outcome of the inability to sustain life.
Yes, in retrospect, I was lost. So many are. I believed that what I saw and felt and cried and laughed were the direct result of god-in-me.
So sad that I was like this. Apathetic with no urgency to find God. Sympathetic to my meager self-reason.
Today is a day of reflection. I look back fifty-five years of life. I read Psalm fifty-five. I cry out to the Lord and thank Him that I am no longer counted with the deceitful and wicked. There is no pit awaiting. There is all good in You Father. So, I talk to You.
I cast my cares to You Father. Your burden is light as You bear the weight of all solar systems, galaxies, mountains, my heart… I cast my cares to You with so much love for me. I see it and I feel it and I cry and laugh in Your arms because now I feel with a real sense of being, of purpose. I feel. How great is the sensation to really feel in life. It gives me the ability to love and care. I feel for others. I walked the stone-ridden streets tripping and stubbing my toes, therefore I can have compassion. Compassion is the ability to feel ‘with’ someone which is one better step than feeling ‘for’ someone. I have walked in the shoes of the wicked and now in spotless white, my sin has evaporated to a cloud. Propitiation, the atoning sacrifice of Jesus for all man-kind. Heaven is a place where hope shines eternal. It waxes infinite. God smiles from His place ever-watching. I can see.
I am sustained by the blood of Jesus. The Spirit abides in me offering confidence. Self-confidence is not what I mean. It is confidence that as I fall backward, God is always there to catch me. Not self at all. I am sure He is with me. The hairs stand straight up on the back of my neck. The Spirit is alive.
I am righteous because God made me fearfully and wonderfully to walk upright in the shadow of His wing. Yes words that, to me, mean He is with me. I know it and rest in that solace each day and night. It is blissful.
I am fifty-five today. Time passes quickly and there is still so much to do. Compassion will draw me nearer to one who sees no hope. The one who doesn’t care takes a little more time, but I remember I didn’t care either at one time in the past. I must speak the reason and rationale of God in the context a new generation will hear. God will give me this wisdom. I am happy with this task. “Lord use me” echos in the chasms of my heart and soul. I want You Father. I press in to You for closeness draws Your light to reflect off me. The Spirit inside, is the Light that emanates from me. It is all Your Light, Lord.
We grow older, but in the context of eternity, our life is fast. It is fast but God wants us to tarry at each moment. It just seems fast. He wants us to cherish each second with our wives and husbands and children. Do this: Cherish your day in the Lord for the past is gone, the future awaits, but today is our canvas on which we paint anew. It is the piano that sings out magical, wonderful worship. We all fit into these expressive acts. We sing a new song because each day is new. We paint on a canvas with all colors, warm and cold. They are the colors of God’s palette and they are pleasing to the eye. He is the painter, the musician, the potter, and we flow from His ever-creating heart. What a joy our lives are. Rejoice now.
Take the lessons God gives you and savor all. Crane your neck to see how He works. He will uproot us from our steadfast positions. Flow with His hand. Listen to the wind of the Spirit. Breathe in all the colors of His palette that is Life! We are living it and we are thankful.
So, cast burdens upon God. He gladly takes them. He is glorified by our obedience.
As for me, I will trust You Lord. I am a blessed year older in Your bosom.
October 2nd, 2012