1 Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord.
2 Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.
3 If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?
4 But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.
5 I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
6 My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
7 Let Israel hope in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.
8 And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
So now I reflect.
The balmy days of summer envelope all and the Sun in the sky, parches thirsty throats. The evenings instill a quiet warm breeze, ever-cooling the warmed, outside layers of all things now in rest, in respite.
These days I reflect and I grow. I watch the trees with new growth still reaching higher to meet the photosynthetic magic of the Sun. Even in these days of rest, there is growth. What life brings to me is authored by God. Whether the leaves of new growth – wisdom breathed, or a new awareness of my self in the Lord. Yes I always look inside to see what the Spirit exposes. He exposes new business and maintains a light upon the old business too. I look mindfully at this old business and I peruse the new as well. I am reminded of a time…
In a cold place, heartless and dark, I stood at a precipice. A forward step was unknown, a backward step, unwanted. I steeped in pain from the life I ran from. The empty soul – really not empty as it was filled with lies. How vulnerable we are without God. How desperate to be happy. We are so desperate we will step on the hands of all we love and watch them fall from their precarious hold on a steep ledge of friendship, kinship. I cast away those who could not help me and invited Satan himself in for his company.
Satan was a gracious visitor. He gave me what made me happy. Then, he took my hand and led me to a deep place of darkness and dreary cold. He then said “I will watch over you and you will die, then after you die, you will fall forever”. I cringe now in reflection. From a deep pit I looked up and saw a glimmer of light. There was urging to not look but I was hurt and the pain was too much. The elixirs helped for a moment then I would awake to find myself deeper in the well. Back toward that light I peered. It was curiously hopeful. It was God.
He heard my cries from these depths and was attentive. In my hope, I waited. All of those years of denying Him were forgiven. People spurned would not forget, but God forgives. In Him is all of my reverence. Years erased as the light grew with piercing intensity. The Lord came and my soul was waiting for His touch. It was so much better than the mornings of coldness I woke up to. Ever-stepping deeper into the pit. The morning sun of a new day cannot renew like the Son of God. O Lord, how I had waited. In ignorance I dismissed You, in love You never forgot me. Thank you for letting me remember the bad so I can see lucidly Your presence.
I reflect on those things of my past. I look at those thing exposed now. It is the new green growth from the Son, Jesus. It is imparted wisdom that hones my godliness. It is acute listening to God who always is attentive to my cries. For he heard my echoing cry from the deep and in one instance, I became a light on a hill. His instrument for the emanating of His light. Poor souls that still abide in the depths. I pray you see His light. I will bring the Lamp with Oil to the rim of the pit. Please look up! Your eternal life depends upon it.
So, I am redeemed. I was purchased and do not belong to anyone except God, Himself. He bought me with a drop of blood from Jesus Christ. He is the Lamp on the hill. God made sure that light reached me in my darkest times. How grateful I am.
I fear the Lord with all my soul
as I sit upon a grassy knoll
A light am I for all to see,
Let them, O Lord, lay eyes on me.
For I am a lamp that emanates joy…
Out of the depths I have cried. My soul has cried. I am now safe, eternally.
July 2, 2012
…for Julie B. I can hear you.