In Him was life; and the life was the light of men
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not
John 1:4,5 (KJV)
I wake up and it is dark. I fall asleep and it is dark. From darkness to darkness I spend a moment in my life and it is a good day. Each day stands alone. There is a new beginning and a new end each day as I walk through my life in these increments. Looking backward and looking forward, constantly evaluating, upturning stones. It is my way. Smiles from the past and hopes for the future. I am always revisiting my first encounters. Wife, family, God. The encounters came in that order and it was as God planned. I see it. I see His footsteps when I look back into my past. They are as pronounced as ones that have just walked through fresh snow. A single path one foot and then the other. They are directional: one way forward and do not make an easy route in reverse. The path is straight.
This is how I see in retrospect: God walks a straight path in my life and I meander. Look at the snow. My steps are around a tree, over a log, hopping on rocks across a creek. Stopping and wasting a moment, or running to pass up several moments. I see my steps go in one direction, then they suddenly stop to reverse and try a new path. All the way I take twenty steps to God’s one. He is steady. I am always curiously peaking under rocks, poking a stick into a stream or swatting a bush. I remember these childlike attributes because they still are fresh in me and in some ways, even now as I smile, that it is who I am now. Frolicking. I like this direction.
I allow myself a childlike demeanor at times for I am a child in this eternal life. It makes me happy. It is not escape, it is just my life – then, now, and forever. God instills a joy in me and makes my heart His. I am in a perpetual state of joy. I rewind and see so many tears and angst, but the joy in me now overcomes. I am lighthearted now and it is refreshing. Found a frog, dallied a bit and fell behind God’s stride. Better catch up.
I like this life. There is so much to do. I make a choice each day when I awake. Each day stands alone and new decisions I must make. Or not. I may dangle my feet in the creek a bit more, tarry at the things that pique my curiosity. For all is well and I feel safe. Yes that is it! I feel secure because I see His footsteps. I even see into His eyes. How warm and inviting they are. This is life and I choose to find solace in His gait. I choose today that I will smile and laugh and find humor when I stumble. I am responsible – but I am a child. I refuse to grow up.
I met my wife and we found love, we had children. God knit a family together with a single thread of His love. Together my wife and I found Jesus. It was a natural choice. We already knew He was with us. Sometimes instead of drawing a circle in the dirt with a stick, round and round as this world, I look up and see His guardian eyes. They watch me. They command. They protect. I am at rest. Newtonian Laws work in my life. “For every action…” This is the world pushing and if I am not careful, I feel the effect. There is cause and effect. But I do not need to succumb to every little cause out there. I am a body at rest. Be gone the world and its travails for I am God’s child and I have joy. I have a stick and I put it to whimsical use. Tap, tap, tap on a rock. Away from the world and in God’s arms. I like it, this life.
There is cause and effect in the world. Some think with Existential minds and are mired in this thought. Running in circles and never looking up. I just drew that circle with my stick, remember? But I looked up and ran to catch up with the Lord. He is ever steady in His gait. There is life in Jesus – real life – I am assured as I see it and live it now. I must walk straight and I shall try. But most certainly there will be a distraction. It will not hold my attention long for I am at rest and will always have hope. Whimsical I walk. But to be sure: I am serious deep down. I appreciate that God gave me grace – a gift I did not deserve. I have it and now my heart is joyful. So, I grab my stick and continue on. Wading through the cool water of a stream I look up. There is God. His eyes are smiling at His child.
October 2, 1961 4 years old
oops, I mean…
August 17, 2012 with love